The Cruelest Month/Creepy Critters

Week Two, April 2008

A PLANT LADY'S LIFE IN GEEKATOPIA





Poem: This week’s poem is by Dale Randall, member of the Burien Senior Center Writers’ Workshop and former plant care technician.

DON’T GIVE YOUR HEART TO A FICUS TREE
by Dale Randall
Don’t give your heart to a ficus tree,
Benjamina, more properly.
With all her charms she’ll lure you in
But then you’re subject to all her whims.
For awhile everything goes well
Then suddenly it all goes to hell!
“You moved me from my favorite spot!
And you seem to water me quite a lot!
And I saw that look of patronization!”
Then she drops her leaves in retaliation.
But leave her alone for a week or two
And she’ll be back to start anew.
Until the next imagined slight
And you struggle again to set things right.
A charming houseplant she may be -
But don’t give your heart to a ficus tree.


It's been a week of comings and goings, trouble and strife. Two employees left suddenly while two signed on. A ceiling tile unceremoniously crashed onto a bamboo palm at Estorian, crushing it flatter than a corn tortilla. One of our cats - the dauntless four pound runt, Shimmer - tackled a monster tom cat twice his size in the garden, coming out of the confrontation looking like he’d gone through a food processor. (It took us hours to clean up spatter patterns off the kitchen floor, the dining room floor, the living room floor, the hall floor - Shimmer may be small but he runs like a cheetah!)

I don’t generally do well in April - “the cruelest month” T. S. Eliot termed it and for good reason. In spite of the beauty burgeoning all around, a damp chill cuts to the bone - people (and cats) get grumpy with impatience and boredom. This month in 1824 Lord Byron died in Greece where he had gone to help liberate that country from Turkish occupation - I can imagine him saying to himself in that last moment on earth “Wait, wait, there must be a mistake! A fellow cannot die just as the sun is finally, at long last breaking through the storm clouds! A fellow cannot die just as he has begun his great work!” Well, obviously he can.

It was Easter Sunday (Eastern Orthodox), when the earth was about to break into glorious life. But Byron was wrong about the sun - minutes after he breathed his last a horrific thunder storm blew in from the sea, plunging Western Greece into darkness as sleet pelted the bleached white village. Some said it was a sign, an omen that Greece would never be free. Be that as it may, it certainly turned out to be a pretty a crappy day for Byron!

I am SO ready for a sunny weekend puttering around in the garden, filling yard waste bags, building trellises for beans and peas, planting lettuce, marigolds, broccoli - should have been out there weeks ago had the weather cooperated. Thus the gloom and frustration. But this weekend the forecast is for 70 degrees! If I disappear for a few days you will know where to find me.

OFFICE PLANTS: Mealie Bugs, Spider Mites, Aphids - Oh My!

In early Spring a lot of pests emerge looking for a meal (No, I don’t mean your creepy cousin.) Insects that are perfectly welcome in the garden (basically as food for other life forms) make pests of themselves when they show up on your office plants. If you ignore the bugs, your plants very quickly become an entree menu. So, what can you do about plant-eating insects?

It all depends. I realize that sounds like a cop-out but before you panic and grab a can of toxic chemicals you need to know what kind of bugs you are dealing with. Take a good look at the critters - use a magnifying glass and compare what you see to pictures in a garden book or research houseplant pests online. Once you know what is crawling around on your plant you can formulate an effective battle plan.

Wait! I’m starting at the wrong end of the issue. Far better than struggling against a marauding army of six-legged eating machines, try to avoid the problem in the first place. Clean, healthy plants are not be as vulnerable to pests - insects being as opportunistic as bacteria and viruses - so be sure you regularly feed and dust your plants. Yes, dust them - with a nice fluffy, clean, lamb’s wool duster (Don’t use feather dusters. They just scatter the dust around and are not easily washed.) A thin layer of dust dramatically diminishes the light getting to your plant, thus weakening it. Dust also harbors insect eggs and fungus spores - as well as making your plant look dull and dirty. A clean plant is a healthy, pretty plant.

Another handy plantkeeping tool is a spray bottle filled with soapy water - give your plant a “bubble bath” frequently. Use a gentle soap like Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castile Soap - I don’t like to use anything on a plant I wouldn’t use on my own skin since leaf tissues are delicate ecosystems. Soap not only cleans the crud off the leaves but it has the added value of killing spider mites. Unfortunately to dispatch other, tougher insects you will have to employ an insecticide - the good news is there are a number of safe, nontoxic insecticides on the market these days. Investigate horticultural oil - works great against lots of different kinds of pests (creepy cousins excepted).